Saturday, December 21, 2013

A Love Letter

Dear SLC,

It has been fun, thank you so much for all that you have blah blah.
I had to throw away a lot of my stuff.
Even after I threw away a lot of my stuff,
I still had three bags full of stuff
that I carried to the train station,
and it felt like a lot.

I went to a seminar where a businesswoman showed us a graph about how she expected her life to proceed. It looked like this:
And then she showed us a second graph about how her life actually ended up working out. 

So I decided to draw a graph of how my own life trajectory looks. 

Just bein' me. 

This semester I messed up. I stopped going to class, I stopped doing work, and I had multiple breakdowns throughout the year. My favorite of the breakdowns was when I called my sister in the middle of the night on a Wednesday and declared I was selling everything and moving to Canada. I cried a lot, I yelled a lot, and we concluded that Canada definitely had more hope and opportunity than my current college pursuits. 

Then, later that night, in a moment of self-reflection, I realized that something was really, really wrong if I was considering CANADA as my way out of pain and suffering. Canada? Are you serious? 

I talked to my don, I talked to my professors, I talked to my friends, and no one seemed to be able to make a convincing argument for one way or the other. No one's advice resonated, and I went into a phase where every other day I had a different plan. One day, I was leaving, the next, I was staying. I tried making a pros and cons list but I am very good at making balanced pros and cons lists so I didn't reach any conclusions.

Then I got the bill for next semester's tuition and I thought: "Okay, it is WAY too expensive to have this existential dilemma here at a private liberal-arts college. I could do this over washing dishes."

So that's what I am planning to do. 

And my decision has raised a lot of eyebrows. The majority of people gave me a sympathetic "Aww, we'll miss you, SLC won't be the same without you, yes you're right, sometimes you need time away," and this makes me angrier more than anything because I feel like I should be getting a f***ing round of applause for finally getting the balls to leave. I had no business staying in school and I wish someone had punched me in the face and yelled "WAKE UP YOU ARE UNHAPPY THIS ISN'T ROCKET SCIENCE."

So I am in a critical transitory phase. I have no answers. I only have funny stories about looking for answers in all the wrong places.

All I am sure of is that I want to eat my third Babybel cheese wheel NOW. 
So shall it be written.
So shall it be done. 
Once you get past the wax it really is quite delightful.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Why I Haven't Blogged

Hello friends. It's been a while.

As you may have noticed, I haven't blogged in half a year. Here's the scoop: I haven't been feeling so hot. I have been working on my classwork, reading, writing, and honestly what is there to blog about? Very very little. Most of my blog posts would look something like this:
Today I worked. I ate. I slept. I made a friend. I lost a friend. I am tired. 
A lot of my journal entries look like this. It is disheartening, and I wouldn't wish upon the world to read such things.

More such things I wouldn't wish upon the world to read.

I want to have adventures every day, but now I have so much on my plate that it is simply not possible to have such adventures. All of the things that seemed novel and fun are no longer novel or fun. I am in a routine of hard ass work, that has recently come to bite me in the ass.

I am burnt out. A little bit. I am not ashamed of it, but it really sucks.

Thus, I decided to make a list of things that have made me feel alive this semester. It will be short list.

1) Vegan Cooking 
I am not a vegan, and I have no plans on becoming a vegan. But under my college meal plan I only get lunch and dinner Monday through Friday, which means on weekends I am either making my own food or going to Chipotle (sometimes if I am really lazy and low I will try to recede into hibernation and not wake until Monday. This never works).

I cooked a couple times on my own, and though it was delicious, it was lonely. Then, I met KaleBoy. KaleBoy is from LA and is an adamant vegan who cooks prolifically. He also has a heart the size of LA itself (an odd metaphor, but I'm gonna roll with it) which means he constantly invites me over for dinner. We drink tea, eat vegan cuisine, and do homework, and it has been one of the highlights of my semester.

The food is often scrumptious, and I am very grateful for it. I help buy groceries now and from time to time I will wash dishes. It's a symbiotic relationship. However, there are some things that will never stop to bug me, like the phrase "vegan cheese". Whenever KaleBoy uses vegan cheese, I have a mild aneurysm because I find it to be one of the stupidest phrases in the English language. I do not object to the taste or the product itself. I just object that it is called "vegan cheese" and that someone had the gall to invent such a thing.

Call me traditional, but cheese is f**king cheese, and you should call everything else "soy shreds" or something stupid, because that would be more fitting and I'd be more likely to eat it.

NOTE: Veganism is kind of cool. I am not aware of the ethics or the science behind it, but it seems to work just fine for the KaleBoy and his friends. We have huge feasts, filling meals, and it's great. I mention this only because I told my dad that I eat vegan sometimes on the weekends and he freaks out. "WHY?!" he asked. "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" as if I had told him that I simply reabsorb my feces into my body [some people do that, and power to them, but it's not for me. I am pretty sure my dad told me about this, if that matters]. Veganism is fine, dad. It's not for me, but it's totally fine.

2) "All-Star" by Smash Mouth  
I would say about 5 days a week I listen to "All Star" by Smash Mouth on my way to school. It never gets old, and it makes getting up in the morning way more pleasant than it actually is. If you see me in the morning and I acknowledge that you exist, it is because somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me.

3) Swing Dance Club 
For the first half of the semester, I was part of Swing Dance Club. Every Saturday at 6:00pm about a dozen students got together and practiced swing dance moves, and no matter how shitty I felt that day, swing dance managed to turn my mood around 180 degrees, without fail. Unfortunately, when the semester started turning sour for me, I stopped going and the club kind of died. BUT this Friday I managed to put together a Holiday Swing Event on campus, and I am very excited for it. 

Granted, there are a lot more highlights of my semester, but these have been the most consistent, and the ones that brightened my day the most.

I will try to blog more. You will probably hear more from me over Christmas Break when I am getting into shenanigans with my P-Town homies. But for now, I'm going to put in my headphones, and hunker down for the next two weeks of homework.

Monday, June 17, 2013


So the lowdown.

Participated in StartUp Weekend, came in second place in the web service division. Zac's team won first place overall. We collectively won $7,500 in legal counseling. Which I mean... is great.

Us! We are so pretty. 
Now back in Yonkers. Doing the 9-5. Going grocery shopping. Band practice at night. Badda bing. Badda boom.

Life is exhausting. Every day I have my routine and I come home absolutely beat every day. And so I just sleep. I'm even too tired to write. My arms are noodles (fair, I have been playing drums for two hours).

Which I should probably talk about. I am now in a band called "Black and Tan" and we play punk ska covers of various songs. Tonight was a pretty successful rehearsal. We now have about five songs that we're working on, and hopefully we'll be putting on shows by the time the school year starts up.

OOF. I'm gonna rest. But yes, life is a grind. Looking to be rejuvenated.

Monday, June 10, 2013

I Cut Some Hair Today

I receive a text in the middle of the day:

Hawaii: "You're generally pretty baller at whatever you try right?" 

Me: "Generally, yes. It's probably because I tend to smile when I suck and people mistake that for competence." 

Hawaii: "Good enough. Want to cut my hair?" 

I accidentally took a chunk of hair from behind his ear. 
Damage control. 

Texas looks at me and says "I can squat you." He proceeded to pick me up and did squats with me on his shoulder. 
All in all it was a productive evening. After haircut, we chilled in my room with Virginia and made some music. We are officially a band, "Black and Tan" and we will be performing live shows in Hill House sometime this summer. The genre... is basically club folk music? Either way it's interesting and was a stellar way to spend a Monday night.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Matthew 7:7

SLC Archives tattoo on my heart. 

My boss called me into her office.

"Connor. I read your blog."

Every time someone says this I am convinced that they will continue by saying "Are you okay? Do you need help?"

What she actually said: "I saw you really like working in Archives. Do you want to spend some time working in Archives over the summer?"


"That actually would be great," I told her.

"One more thing. If you ever blog about me, I want my code-name to be 'Big Pig'. Does that sound good?"

"... sure."

Thus, I have been spending a lot of my days helping SLC Archives gathering goodies and filing stuff, which I am actually incredibly into. Doors are opening. One of the women I work with told me that she went to an Archivists Conference over the weekend.

"It was basically a gathering of people sharing how they organize things," she told me.

And thus, another point was added to Connor Miller's bucket-list.

"Also," said the other SLC archivist, "I read in your blog that you are planning to buy hanging folders. Don't buy hanging folders. We have way too many hanging folders. We can just give you those."


"That actually would be great," I told her.

So, as of today I am going to put a little wishlist in the sidebar of my blog. You can check it out, and if you ever want to contribute to my writing career, you can just fire me an e-mail or give me what I want.

In other news, Hill House living has been good. I have more or less been shirtless whenever I'm home as part of a "Shirtless June" challenge. I have also been making my own meals, which includes being too lazy to cook chicken and instead buying a pre-cooked rotisserie chicken and taking off all the meat and cutting it into Chipotle-size chunks so I can immediately make burritos whenever I want. Life is pretty rad.

I end with a promise: following my blog is difficult because no one knows when I'm gonna be posting something. I gotta be consistent. Initially, I had been posting every day, but this is impractical, and not a lot happens from day to day. THUS, I decree that there will be a guaranteed post every Monday night. This will be reliable blogging time, and I will be keeping up with this to the best of my ability.

ALAS. Till Monday.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Dating Bob Dylan

You all might've heard that I've been doing volunteer work for Sarah Lawrence Archives. Though most of the time I'm doing data entry, from time to time they let me go through the school's public files just for funsies. And the last time I did this, I found this little gem.

Jane Freeman ( went to Sarah Lawrence from 1967-1971 and in this time she wrote a bunch of letters to her mom, who kept every single one and then later donated them to the college. Jane now lives in New York and makes art and miniatures. 

In this letter from December 10th, 1967, Jane discusses how her roommate apparently dated Bob Dylan. 

Here Comes Everybody: 
I have just got back from an evening with the ___s which I will tell you about but first I want to tell you that ___ used to date Bob Dylan but broke up with him three years ago when he began with dope. That was the time he made his transition into folk rock from regular folk and they had constant quarrels about the music as well -- she couldn’t stand it and told him it would never sell. Boy, was she wrong: I walk down the halls from dinner and hear ten different Dylan songs spinning simultaneously from ten different rooms. ___ likes classical music mainly, which is ironic, since she hung around with Dylan’s hippie crowd before they became known as hippies. Also, she met Joan Baez although she never got to know her. ____ has a reputation for being one of Dylan’s “chicks”. The people I live with! ___ said she doesn’t remember so much of his music but the way he drives.What else can I tell you. Nothing much except that ___ just told me she used to sneak out of the house to go out with Dylan whom she loathed but went out with him simply because he asked her, whenever he happened to be in Philadelphia. She could just see him in spurts because he was always traveling. I asked her if he was brilliant -- she said No, just spontaneous. And he talked with his hands and never held on to the steering wheel, and was terribly unhappy because he hadn’t at the time gotten what he wanted -- the only thing he wanted --- wealth, which makes him a bloody hypocrite. Will write again at ___’s next Revelation.  Jane. 
You can check out the original document here! BELOW!

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Cigarette Cravings

So near the end of the semester, I bought a pack of cigarettes.

It was an awkward exchange. I walked into the Mobil gas station store and asked for a lighter and a pack of American Spirits. 

"Ok," the guy said, and he didn't move. 

We stared at each other for about ten seconds and then I asked, "What?"

"What color?" 

"Oh," I said, pretending to know what that meant. I peered over the counter and I saw the yellow pack first so I said "Yellow." I got a matching yellow lighter, showed him my ID, and left the store.

My friend Cleveland and I walked back to campus. 

Cleveland: "Well, are you going to smoke one?" 

I tried. I put the cigarette in my mouth and tried to light it. 

Cleveland: "You need to suck in. God, you're an idiot, do you want me to do it? ...Okay fine." 

I finally lit it. I held it between my fingers and sucked. 

Cleveland: "You're holding it too far on the tips of your fingers. The second knuckle. You want it here, on the second knuckle. Oh my god, you are the worst." 

I sucked a couple more times. Cleveland gave me a look. 

Cleveland: "You know... I don't even think you are actually inhaling anything. I think you're just holding it in your mouth. You see, the point of a cigarette is to get the smoke in your lungs." 

Me: "But I have asthma." 

Cleveland: "You are an idiot." 

I eventually got it right. I inhaled and it hurt but I kept on doing it anyway. 

Cleveland: "Do you feel cool yet?" 

Me: "The coolest." 

My friend Chicago and I smoked a cigarette from that pack at midnight every night for the last week of school. We'd take a break from doing homework and sit outside and smoke. 

Acquaintance: "Whoa, Connor, you smoke?" 

Chicago answered for me: "Nah, just for conference week. It'll be a tradition." 

Acquaintance: "Oh. Haha, I was about to say, shit man, I thought Sarah Lawrence had finally gotten to you." 

After a week finished the pack and vowed that we would not touch a cigarette again until conference time next year. 

But now I get cigarette cravings. I don't think it's chemical, there are just moments when I think "God, a cigarette would be great right now. That's exactly what I need." They are very strong feelings, noticeably so. So much that I text Chicago (who is now currently back in Chicago) asking "Are you getting these cigarette cravings?" 

"No, I'm fine! Haven't touched one since we finished the pack!" 

I told a friend from my psych class and she said that once she smoked a whole pack of cigarettes, one after the other in front of her boyfriend, just to prove to him that the addiction was psychological. 

"I was fine. Didn't get addicted. But since you smoked it when you were in a stressful time, you're always gonna have that association," she said. 

I enjoy smoking cigarettes. Ideally I'd like to smoke casually, maybe once a month if the situation arises. But I can't buy cigarettes because I can't afford them, and I shouldn't buy cigarettes because I promised I wouldn't. 

But it doesn't stop me from getting cravings. 

Sunday, May 26, 2013

A Late Night Intruder

I found this poster in the Savage Drive.  Increíble.
So I've been going through piles of trash on campus to furnish my apartment, and I have to say it's been pretty successful. I got a bunch of pasta that will feed me until my next paycheck, I got a bookshelf, a comfy zebra chair, and many other things. My friend Hawaii lent me a Tempurpedic mattress cover, which has made it extremely difficult to get up to write this post. My house is pretty fly. And I'm working on getting it to look even fly-er.

Mi cuarto.

Mi cartel. 
 SO. Fun story.

It's 9:00pm. I'm in my room putting on pants because I'm about to go upstairs and make smoothies with my friends, when I hear rustling in my common room (pictured above, the photo with the red exit sign). I walk into the room and there is a small, old woman rummaging in my closet.

Me: "Um... hello?"

[The woman looks up.]

Woman: "Do you live here?"

Me: "Um... yes."

Woman: "Are you supposed to be living here?"

Me: "Um... yes."

Woman: "Oh... well, I'm your neighbor."

And then she leaves.

Lesson learned: Lock your door! I had been leaving it ajar just in case my friends want to drop in, but it seems that the other tenants in this building beat them to it.

Four more days until I get my paycheck, which will be a Godsend. I have a grand total of $1.46 right now, and I'll have to make it last until Friday. I made $44 on Amazon last week though (that won't be transferred to my bank account until Friday), by selling my old textbooks. One of my friends was flabbergasted at how easy it was to sell stuff online, so he sold all the clothing he didn't want on eBay these past couple days. Still not satisfied, he then rummaged through the piles of trash outside the dorms and found textbooks and sold them as well. He has made $70 the last time I check on him. That's enough to buy two of these:

I have never publicly worn a tank top, but I am told it's going to be raging hot this summer so I might as well start. And if I'm going to start, I might as well go all the way and get this one.

That's about it. Until we met again, I'll be trying to make pasta correctly. The past two times I have spilled the pasta all over the floor. Thankfully, it was free Salvage Drive pasta, but in my present situation, I can't afford to spill any more.

Peace and love.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Juggling and Swing in NYC

Today, woke up at 8am, got a hearty breakfast sandwich, and began volunteer work at Archives. I love this job. When I am not doing data entry, Abby and Sarah (the SLC Archivists) show me how the archival organizational system works, and I get a bunch of ideas for how I am going to create a filing system in my room over the summer. I got a bunch of filing crates from the Salvage Drive (stuff SLC students had thrown away upon moving out) and once I get another paycheck I am going to buy hanging folders to fill them.

After Archives, ate lunch with Ned, Zac, and Nick, then work at College Events. And then at four thirty, took my juggling equipment down to the train station and went to Manhattan for the Bryant Park Juggling Club!

I spent two hours in Bryant Park juggling with other jugglers. I learned some incredible new tricks and I made several friends. I loved it and I definitely want to go back. The park was packed with people, many who stopped to take photos or to ask how to juggle. We gave simple lessons and people tried it out of they had time. I met a man who tried to get me to join his origami club.

"There's this guy who does origami and juggles. You should check him out," the guy tells me. "He's a good friend of mine. His name is Jeremy Shafer. Are you into origami?"

Me: "Yeah, I read a great book, 'Origami to Astonish and Amuse' is by far the best origami book I ever read. If anything, that's the one that got me into folding."

The guy waves his hands in the air. "That's Jeremy Shafer! Jeremy Shafer wrote that book! He told me it was a doozy to get published. He said that his editor's notes primarily were post its on every other page that said, 'are you being serious?' He's a great guy."

Small world. Big city. Or maybe hobbies like juggling and origami are just bound to collide.

I learned how to "ultimate juggle" (six balls, two people, every throw is a pass) which impressed everyone. I felt incredible. I definitely want to go back.

Afterwards, met up with Arizona to eat pizza in the city and then to go swing dancing. On Sunday we paid $40 for a four-hour swing lesson, and with that package is free dance practice in the city every Tuesday at nine. So, we stopped in.

Swing music was playing, people were dancing. I realized two things. 1) Arizona and I were the youngest people there. 2) I had forgotten how to swing dance.

I have been practicing swing dance almost every Saturday for the past two months, and in this room I was overwhelmed and I couldn't even remember basic steps. I danced with Arizona then told her that I had to sit down. I sat alone and watched, and unfortunately when you are at a swing venue, sitting alone is an invitation to dance. I tried to look busy on my phone, but an older woman came up to me and asked if I would like to dance.

"Sure! But I'm a beginner. I don't know... anything," I said.

"Do you know basic steps?" she asked.

"... yes."

"Then let's do that!"

I danced with her and another woman that night, along with Arizona, and all of them were incredibly understanding and patient. I think when each song ended I told my dance partner "thank you for being understanding and patient."

When we left, I made a promise to take some more lessons and to gain confidence, so I can return to Tuesday night swing and actually lead, instead of having kind, older women whisper instructions in my ear.

Arizona and I left early and got tea. It was a full day, and now I am back in my dorm, eating Triscuts and Naked Mango Juice, and not wearing a shirt.


Saturday, May 18, 2013

Free Stuff and Sob Coughs!

My friend Langston looked into a dumpster and found a Playstation 3. We all screamed like children, and he ran back to his room to see if it work. It did, for the most part, he's bringing it in for maintenance and repair, but the fact remains that he just got a three hundred dollar piece of equipment out of the TRASH.

Why? It's move out day!

People have been throwing out legitimate GOLD because they are moving out of their dormrooms this week.  I got an ottoman, a set of pots and pans, glasses, plates, a collapsable table, a cuisinart, a beanbag chair, a rug, bed risers, and much more FOR FREE (either through the equivalent of dumpster diving or generous friends).

"But Connor, why are you getting all this stuff? Shouldn't YOU be throwing away your PS3 as well? Aren't you going home?"

Nope! I am living in the Sarah Lawrence apartments for $250 a month, working a 9-5 office job by day and cooking my own meals by night. I am so excited about this. My family is mailing me a couple recipe magazines, and I've been calculating my expenses to see how I can feasibly spend $30 a week on groceries (my mother says that it definitely can be done).

However, the idea of living on my own make me almost throw up at the beginning of the week. I had a housing meeting to discuss what living on campus would be like during the summer ("Pay your rent!") and when I left, I was dizzy and nauseous. I went to the Pub and found Kinsman there.

"Hey man, how are you?"

"Dizzy and nauseous."

I told him that I was worried that I wasn't going to make enough money to survive this summer and all of this other stuff, and eventually he just held me and I cried in his arms. I use the term "crying" loosely. It was more like controlled sob-coughs. And I did about five of them until I felt better.

We talked about money and he showed me that not only would I be able to make enough money to feed myself, I may even have enough left over to fly home in August.

I have great friends. He patted my back and sent me on my way.

  • Re-establish my writing habit. 
  • Learn to swing-dance. 
  • Survive. 
  • Juggle with NYU students every Thursday! 
  • Archives! 

So, I've been wanting to work for Sarah Lawrence Archives all year. I stopped in at least five times asking if there were any job openings and unfortunately there weren't. I took it as a sign and gave up. But then I went to visit my sister at Syracuse and I sat in on her Information Technology course and I fell in love. I came back to Sarah Lawrence, went to Archives and said, "You know, I'd be just as happy doing volunteer work for you." 

They were supportive and skeptical. 

"What exactly about archives do you like?" they asked. 

"Well, I love organizing things. I clean obsessively, I make calendars for people, and I like arranging information in ways that make sense."

"Hm. I mean, we like organizing too but... it's weird to see it in students." 

They gave me the job, and I went in for my first day Friday (yesterday). They had me do data entry work all day and when I came out they eyed me closely. 

Archives: "How was that? Did you hate it?" 

Me: "Um... no, it was fine." 

Archives: "But you want a different job now, right?" 

Me: "Um... no. I want to come back." 

They seemed convinced that I hated data entry no matter how many times I told them that it was fine (for what it's worth, data entry isn't enthralling work but I can do it happily) and they shrugged their shoulders and told me to come back in and they'd teach me how to do other archives things. 

I am legitimately excited. They proposed that I do a research project about Sarah Lawrence just to get familiar with how their system works, so I've been writing down ideas in my notebook and daydreaming about going through the records to write an awesome essay. 


That's about it. You will definitely hear more about my life from the Bronxville Bachelor Pad (aka "The Kitchen"). I have nicknamed my new living space "The Kitchen", because for the past two years I wanted to live somewhere with a kitchen, and now the time has finally come. I move in this coming Friday, and once I am all settled, this song will play: 

Hasta luego!

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Spring Formal 2013 - aka The Ugly Man

Allergies. Even when you look good. 
Seattle and I are in Hill House, waiting for security to come over because Seattle locked his keys and his wallet inside his room, and he will be needing his keys and ID later tonight when Spring Formal ends. So, to pass the time, we tell each other anti-jokes.

I am in the Pub and sad. Mercury works in the Pub, so he and I sit and chat while I drink water and try and figure out how not to be sad. All of my friends are out getting drunk, and I decide that it wouldn't be a good idea to join them because it would just make me sadder. So, instead, I eat crackers with Mercury and we talk about all the girl problems I've had throughout the school year.

Chicago's room. Chicago has a big red chair that I've never seen before.

"Is this new?"

"Yeah! They were getting rid of it at Heimbold. So I carried it on my head to my room. It's a loveseat."


"No, that's what it's called. It's a loveseat."

Chicago is playing 80's music to get himself in the zone for the 80's themed Spring Formal. I am not digging it.

"Can we put on some rap? Is there any eighties rap?"

Chicago googles "80s rap music" and we listen.

"Wow. This sucks."

We listen to contemporary rap music instead and get pumped.

I am under the tent on the North Lawn. There is a DJ and flashing lights. I make my rounds and say hello to everyone I know. Chicago says "Look, no one's into it yet," pointing to the dance floor, "c'mon, let's be the first ones to get into it." I take off my blazer, put it on a chair, walk to the dance floor, decide that I am self-conscious of my forearms, get my blazer, and go back to the dance floor.

The rest of the night 
I didn't want to be sad. I took extra precautions not to be sad tonight. I went to the gym and swam for thirty minutes and did push ups to get endorphins and a little extra positive body-image. But on the dance floor, I was dancing and every time I saw an attractive girl I hid immediately.

I read a quote once, "There is nothing uglier than a fearful man."

Tonight, I decided to be the ugly man. And it turned out to be an excellent decision.

In general, I push myself to be as courageous as possible. I notice when I am afraid of something, and then push myself to do it. Last week, I introduced myself to someone new. Cold. And it was terrifying. In acting class, my professor is always pushing us to step out of our comfort zones, which has resulted in me kissing some of my classmates during scenes. It's emotionally exhausting.

I had a lot of opportunities to be courageous tonight, and for the sake of my mental health, I opted not too.
For most of the night I danced alone. Whenever I felt uncomfortable, I closed my eyes. I danced with some girls but once I started second guessing myself I immediately left and wove myself to a different part of the dance floor.

There were great moments. Swing dancing with Arizona, wylin' out to rap music (FINALLY [it was contemporary]) with Virginia.

However, the best moment for me was pretending I was dancing with someone when I wasn't. I was an excellent lead.

After the formal, I went into the Pub and there was a kid passed out in one of the booths. Security came and woke him up and had him go through some basic coherency tests to make sure he didn't need to go to the hospital. My friend Bronx and I watched from a different booth.

Bronx: "I can't believe what I'm seeing right now. He is a mess."

(the kid mumbled to the security guard "I know, I know... I know this tie is a little crooked...")

Bronx looked at me.

Bronx: "Why are you here?"

Me: "You know I enjoy your company."

Bronx: "Mmmhmm. I remember the first time I asked you for an ass grab."

Bronx is gay, and a good portion of our conversations are about how he wishes I was too.

Me: "Why do I continue hanging out with you? It's just sexual harassment. All the time."

Bronx: "You like it. You keep coming back because you like getting compliments from me."

Me: "This is true. But I guess that's why we're great friends. It's because we're not afraid to be real with each other."

Bronx: "I just want sex."

Me: "You're the best."

We hugged and I walked back to my room. The security guards wrote the kid a ticket, and he wobbled away with his girlfriend.

All in all, I was a coward tonight, and I embraced it. I'll be courageous on Monday or something.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

How To Tell That You Are Stressed Out

1. When you hug yourself you cry a little. 
In my acting class, every day we do a warm up which involves various embarrassing vocal exercises and stretches. It culminates into a final portion where we shimmy around the room shouting "zibbity-bibbity" sixteen times. Strangely enough, this warm up really allows me to release (I am often a little too enthusiastic with the vocal warm-ups, because I want to scream... all the time) and by the end of it our teacher asks us to hug ourselves, which is ultimately what I need the most. So I cry a little every time this happens.

One love. 
Why am I stressed? It's the end of the semester! And all the projects I started are supposed to come to an end, and it's up to me to end them. 
Here are some things I need to get done: 
  • Try and win a business idea competition on Thursday. 
  • Perform a mythology rap for one of my grad-student friends at his class's end of the year shindig. 
  • Assemble a poster project about evolution and memory.
  • Finish a sizeable chunk of my young-adult novel. 
  • Finish writing my memory research conference project. 
2. You splash your pool mates. 
Every Tuesday I swim with some of my friends. It's a health thing. Swimming is the most convenient kind of exercise for me because all I need to do is to change into swim trunks to do it. If I want to do anything else, I have to change my shoes, put on gym clothes UGH it's the worst and it takes to long. Pants off, trunks on BOOM, instant workout. 
My workout regimen is to swim for about forty five minutes, taking breaks when I am exhausted. I will do 25 or 50 yards and then catch my breath, then go at it again. Sometimes, when I do 50 yard stretches or more, I get very angry, and when I reach the other end of the pool I slap my hands on the water like Michael Phelps.

This week I did this and splashed my friend in the lane next to me. He flinched and wiped the water from his face and I apologized profusely. 

"I'm so sorry! I just swim until I get angry and then I slap the water," I told him. 

"That's good. Use that anger. Beast mode," he replied. 

3. For the first time ever in your life you crave cigarettes. 
I can't even spell cigarettes. I am using autocorrect to help me out with this. I know, I know, everyone back home is going to read this and yell at me, but understand it's a craving and not a life decision. I am not going to smoke. I need the lung capacity to swim and splash people. 

However, this does not stop me from leaning back in my swivel chair in the computer lab and thinking "UGH I WANT A TOBACCO STICK." 

I caved. I smoked one. One of my friends had a pack and I felt strange about it so we went behind the library and did it where no one would see us. 

My friend, Chicago, also is unfamiliar with smoking cigarettes. 

"Am I cool yet?" he kept asking. "How about if I hold it like this? Do I look cool? How many of these do I have to smoke to get addicted?" 

I didn't notice any stress alleviation, but for the rest of the evening I smelled like smoke. It was weird, and I don't think I'm going to do it again. 

4. You resort to caffeine. 
I used to pride myself in the fact that I didn't do caffeine. I still don't. I don't use regularly, but in my moments of weakness I will buy a Red Bull to pull myself through some reading. Red Bulls are incredible. They taste like magic. My typical routine is to drink one while listening to white noise ( in my room and getting whatever I need done DONE. 

However, my caffeine use makes me sad for two reasons. 1) I wanted to be proof that a caffeine-free kid could succeed in a caffeine-driven world. I still strive to do that, but for now I need the help. 2) the caffeine come-down ravages my emotional homeostasis, and so often when it wears off, I go to my room and cry. 

5. You have dreams in which all of your loved ones die. 
Okay, they're nightmares. I keep a dream log sometimes, and the stuff that is going on in my subconscious is pretty off the chain. Like getting in a car with my parents and realizing we are driving on a road of baby corpses. This was an actual dream I had. 

To add to the ridiculousness, when I wake up from these nightmares, I look around the room wildly and I see that my DOOR IS OPEN? WHY? It's four in the morning, I just had a dream where I fell off a mossy cliff and DIED, and then the door to my dorm room in AJAR? It's really the worst. 

My door opens on its own sometimes. 
  1. Make manageable to-do lists. I am incredibly proud of my ability to make calendars and schedules of what I am going to do and when. This will ultimately pull me through this trying time of my life. 
  2. Swim. The ultimate release. 
  3. Get enough sleep. Which hasn't really been a problem. Last night I slept from 8pm to 8am, so I mean, not bad. 
  4. Blog.
Everything is going to be all right! 


Friday, April 19, 2013

Two Lists

Currently chillin' in a friend's room, recalling all of this from memory. The following is a list of some of the major items one could find inside of my dorm room.
  • Two large, circular signs from the Pub that smell like poisonous plastic. 
  • A small plastic box of Q-tips
  • Six juggling clubs, five leather juggling balls, two contact juggling balls. 
  • Stacks of books including (but not limited to): 
    • Brief Interviews With Hideous Men - David Foster Wallace
    • The Naked Brain - Richard Restak
    • The Actor, Image, and Action: Acting and Cognitive Neuroscience - Rhonda Blair
    • An Abundance of Katherines - John Green
  • Garbage can (contents below): 
    • Empty Cheerio box. 
    • Empty Red Bull cans. 
    • Lots of tissues. 
  • 2013 Calendar of Runners, running in particularly picturesque places in the world. 
  • Kid Cudi poster 
  • Printed color 8.5x11 photo of Rick Ross. 
  • One fridge (currently empty) 
  • One cardboard box filled with bags of Cheerios, bananas, and apples. 
  • Boxes full of completed class readings. 
  • One nostalgia box (contents includes, but is not limited to:) 
    • Program for "The Testament of Mary" 
    • Big Sean ticket stub 
    • Programs for SLC plays. 
    • Program for "Seminar" 
    • Valentines
    • Letters from my family. 
    • Greeting card from my grandmother.
  • Toe nail clippers. 
  • Boyfriend pillow (I hate the name of this, it's actually just a pillow shaped like a chair so you can sit up in your bed. Everyone says it's called a boyfriend pillow but I disagree. It's a chair-pillow). 
  • Two removable wall-hooks. 
  • Fitness stick (inherited) 
  • Broom (but funnily enough, no dustpan) 
  • Colored pencils. 
  • Colored markers.
And now, a brief description of my friend's room: 

  • One Scott Pilgrim poster. 
  • One music festival poster
  • Three Scott Pilgrim books. 
  • One pack of Marlboro cigarettes. 
  • iMac computer. 
  • Half-consumed bottle of Welch's grape soda. 
  • One fridge: Full of stuff. 
  • An electric pencil sharpener (what? Who uses these anymore?)
  • Coffee mug full of pens and pencils. 
  • Audio recording device. 
  • Bilbo Baggins poster (not on the wall, but on his bed).
  • Highlighted, photocopied pages of a script.
  • Guitar clamp. 
  • Maple syrup. 
  • One microwave. 
  • One map of Sarah Lawrence College taped to the wall. 
  • Bottle of Advil. 
  • Miscellaneous pieces of change. 
  • Tackle box (contents unknown)


Biology is 
a mysterious magic 
found in thick textbooks

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Fame, Sort of Fame, and Infame

SLC Speaks, Sarah Lawrence's independent online news website did an interview with me about the Pub Secret Menu! Check it out here:

The old Pub signs! 
Got my new juggling clubs in the mail today! I now have SIX juggling clubs, which means I can teach people how to juggle clubs and eventually pass clubs with them. I spent about an hour juggling today (5pm-6pm) working on tricks that I am currently not very good at, but eventually I will be.

The most common question people ask me is "How did you start juggling?"

Basically, throughout high school I had a 5pm curfew and a 30 minute allowance of internet per day. So I had to find other ways to occupy myself. I kept a journal, started writing rap, and somewhere along the line picked up juggling. This involved a lot of YouTube tutorials and a lot of messing up in my backyard.

In essence, this is what juggling is: Looking really dumb for about a couple months. So I did this in my backyard (often wearing nothing but boxers) and now I have an expensive hobby*.

*However, I am told that juggling is the most economical of hobbies, because although the equipment is pricey at first, you get an incredible amount of use out of what you buy, so you might as well buy quality.

Some other juggling advice I got today: "You're doing your crotch throws like chops. Do them slower, like back throws. Or go on YouTube and look for crotch throw tutorials."

Top result for crotch throw:

ALSO, I put a Google Form in an earlier post where people could ask questions. "Assimilator" asked:
"Do you have a birthmark?" 
I do! I am told that birthmarks are indicators of how you died in a previous life, and I am pretty sure some Boromir shit went down.

However, notice how if I was truly Boromir in a past life, my birth mark would probably be on my chest because I kept fighting and used myself essentially as a human shield. But, since my birthmark was on my shoulder, I probably was running away in fear. 

Oh well. 


Two truths and a lie: 
- I am out of allergy medicine! 
- My bio teacher complimented me on my critical thinking today and it put a spring in my step! 
- Wiz Khalifa rolled onto into the Pub and ordered a "Voldemort!" 

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The "Side Hustle"

Self-made breakfast packs. 
Today I learned the importance of having a "side hustle". A side hustle is a business or project that you have on the side of your job or your schooling, just to make sure that you are doing things that you care about. I have several side-hustles going on. They include:
  • Swing dancing lessons on weekends! 
  • Juggling before dinner almost every day! 
  • Filing and doing taxes for people in Yonkers! 
Marcus Mayo from IncubateNYC came to Sarah Lawrence today to talk about entrepreneurship, and along with telling us to side-hustle, he told us the most important thing is to just keep on doing things you are passionate about, because in the end that's all that matters, and that's what's ultimately going to be a marketable skill. 

This got me really excited. He inspired me so much I ran back to my room and put up a Facebook status saying "HEY IF YOU WANT ME TO CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM OR MAKE A CALENDAR FOR YOU I WILL DO IT FOR MONEY." 

And boom, I already have a customer. Side-hustlin', All day. 


Juggling lessons! I've been juggling pretty regularly out on the North Lawn this past week, and like ten people expressed interest in learning how to juggle. So naturally, I spent a good portion of my paycheck on buying juggling clubs to teach people, because a) I like teaching people how to juggle and b) I want to have friends I can pass clubs with. I'm going to be doing this for free, but if any of my students want to donate to my cause, I am not going to refuse. Because I really want to buy a duffel bag and more equipment so I can


I'm going to be staying in the city over the summer working office jobs, and there are a BUNCH of juggling groups that meet every week, and I am 100% going to join. It will be great. I am pumped.

And to conclude, three haikus about love:

My first-year roommates
Are really incredible
sophomore year, still friends.

Rhonda Blair writes books
on acting and neuro-psych
that speak to my soul.

I am happy/sad
When women I admire
have the best husbands.


Monday, April 15, 2013


There are signs all around the computer lab that say "No Food or Drink Is Permitted in the Computer Lab" and all I see are people who sincerely do not care.

1) I look insane 2) The person next to me is not amused.
Happy Monday everyone!

I bought the New York Times yesterday because I realized "I should really be reading the news if I ever a) want to have a conversation with someone b) start a profitable business and c) look classy as I eat Cheerios from a bag every morning.

Today I read this article about Jenna Marbles, internet sensation, who uploaded a video three years ago titled "How To Trick People Into Thinking You Are Attractive" and now she is making six figures for continuing to make videos like this.

I am not jealous, but it did inspire me to blog tonight.

SO, it's time to get serious about blogging.

How does one do this?

I am not sure. But it will come to me.

I am going to be sitting in my biology class tomorrow, taking our exam, and I am suddenly going to start vomiting with excitement.
I'm an artist
So sit tight. In the mean time, I am getting ready for my fiction class tomorrow, in which I am going to read some angsty young-adult novel I am working on. The premise: A girl named Zoe discovers that she is AN ALIEN! Spoiler alert: It has no effect on her life whatsoever, it just makes her incredibly depressed as she waits to get abducted to go back home, but it never happens.


That's it.

Also, this is new. Submit a question!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013


Wikipedia is an excellent pastime. I highly recommend that people take up the hobby of looking people up on Wikipedia because you really learn a lot. Here are some things I have been Wikipedia-ing lately: 

Will Smith is an incredible human being. I realized this one day when my friend Zac told me this Will Smith quote at breakfast. 

"The only thing that I see that is distinctly different about me is I'm not afraid to die on a treadmill. I will not be out-worked, period. You might have more talent than me, you might be smarter than me, you might be sexier than me, you might be all of those things you got it on me in nine categories. But if we get on the treadmill together, there's two things: You're getting off first, or I'm going to die."  - Will Smith 

It should be noted that Zac and I have been eating breakfast together since the beginning of the semester. It was cool at first, we talked about our lives and our families until there was nothing else to talk about. Wanting to continue our friendship, I decided that we should probably find something else to talk about, so we decided to become entrepreneurs and every morning we discuss business (this is a whole different story that will be noted in another blog post). This is a very competitive field, so we often try to find quotes to motivate ourselves when Zac stumbled across this little gem. It's terrifying, motivating, and an incredibly masculine quote from Will Smith that I hold near and dear to my heart.

This lead me to the Will Smith  Wikipedia page, which I recommend to everyone. Another highlight was a good solid paragraph on Will Smith's views on Scientology. I quote:
Smith has said he has studied multiple religions, including Scientology, and he has said many complimentary things about Scientology and other faiths. Despite his praise of Scientology, Smith said "I just think a lot of the ideas in Scientology are brilliant and revolutionary and non-religious"[34][35] and "Ninety-eight percent of the principles in Scientology are identical to the principles of the Bible.... I don't think that because the word someone uses for spirit is 'thetan' that the definition becomes any different."[36] He has denied having joined the Church of Scientology, saying "I am a Christian. I am a student of all religions, and I respect all people and all paths." (
This paragraph is ONE QUATER of the "Personal Life" section of Will Smith's Wikipedia Page. ONE FOURTH. I will summarize each paragraph to give you an idea of how Wikipedia decides to summarize Will Smith's personal life:

  1. Will Smith and his beautiful family life.
  2. Will Smith's wealth and philanthropy. 
  3. Will Smith's studies of religion, including Scientology. 
  4. More philanthropy. 
I really have no comments on this, but I mean... One fourth of his personal life. 

I may be late on this one (Sad Keanu meme reported existed in 2010) but another friend mentioned over breakfast "If you are ever feeling sad, read Keanu Reeves's Wikipedia page. It will put things into perspective." Keanu Reeve's Wikipedia page is incredibly sad (particularly the "Early Life" and "Personal Life" sections). I highly recommend checking it out. 

This isn't really something you can check out on Wikipedia, but it's a fun game for a Friday night (if you are a loser/have nothing else to do).

  • Two or more friends.
  • Laptops.
How To Play: 
  • One friend picks two unrelated pages on Wikipedia (e.g. "Uganda" and "Ralph Polo Lauren").
  • Each player opens their web browser and opens up one of those pages. (e.g. I pick "Uganda").
  • Someone yells "GO!" and each player has to try to get to the other Wikipedia page by only clicking blue links within the articles. (e.g. I have to click "Ugandan Fashion" and then "shirts" and then "shirt brands" and then "Ralph Polo Lauren". [Sidenote, it may not be that easy]). 
  • Whoever successfully reaches the opposing page first wins! 
The game can easily be made interesting with betting or some other creative consequence. I'm pretty darn good at it, but I think it's because I spend WAAY too much time on Wikipedia. 

That's it. I'm done. Go forth! Explore and learn. And if you so desire, die on a treadmill. 

Unrelated product placement!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Things That Kinda Bug Me

  • Not having a kitchen.
  • Not having a kitchen. 
  • Not having a kitchen. 
  • ... not having a kitchen. 
#1 On The List of Things That Bug Me: Not Having a Kitchen
If I had a kitchen... I would
  1. Save money. I currently spend an average of $3.50 a day at the Pub on breakfast alone. Granted, I've been doing a little bit better by buying my own milk and cereal on the weekends, but in order to eat breakfast with my friends, I have to bring little baggies of cereal and milk to the Pub and bring my own bowls. 
  2. Save the Earth. Because I have no means to wash dishes, I typically use disposable bowls, plates, and cutlery. Mother Nature is crying. 
  3. Eat better. I am not sure exactly which nutrients I am missing out on, but I am sure they are vital. I get this weird empty feeling after eating for two hours in Bates, like I have put an enormous amount of food in my system, but it is doing nothing for my general health. 
  4. Become an excellent cook. Which is definitely something I want to add to my spousal resume. 
#2 On The List of Things That Bug Me: Homework During Beautiful Weather
The weather at Sarah Lawrence currently is beautiful. Which is great. But it makes it really difficult to do homework. Right now it's nighttime but I could walk around in my t-shirt and feel comfortable. WHO IS GOING TO SIT INSIDE AND READ ABOUT THE EXCRETORY SYSTEM (this is literally what my homework is). There really is no contest at all. I am currently sitting in my room, in my underwear, listening to Trinidad James and feeling a little bit guilty. 

Let's explore the mammalian excretory system. 
#3 On The List of Things That Bug Me: Lists That Are Less Than Three Things
I really have nothing else to complain about. My life isn't too bad, but it'd sort of be a pathetic blog post if I just had two things. So, in general: 
  • The way my hands smell after handling coins. 
  • Socks that don't dry all the way in the laundry. 
  • Adjusting your posture and then suddenly needing to poop. 
  • People mentioning how they never use their kitchens. 
  • The little bacteria-pool that we keep the Bates ice-cream scoopers in.
That is all. Homework tonight really seems impossible. I'll do some mindless data-entry work and then chill out and read books that I found in the library, none of which apply to my conference work. 
  • Going to the library to get a book for your conference work, and coming out with something else that you'd much rather read. 

Unrelated Sidenote: I'm trying to figure out a clever way to put a little widget on my blog that shows the Song of The Day. This is a real thing that happens every morning when I wake up. My alarm goes off at 7:50am, I stare at the ceiling until 8:00am, and then I turn on my computer and play the song of the day while I get dressed. It really sets the mood for my day, and strangely enough I am able to hear it at full volume in my mind whenever I am having a dull moment. This is probably because my iPod broke. 

But, until I figure out how to do this creatively, the song of the day TODAY (4/9/13) is "Female$ Welcomed" by Trinidad James.

This video is all about summer weather. There are some songs that you just need to listen to when it is hot outside, and this is definitely the best song for that. Also, when the beat drops near the end of the song (in the music video it's when nighttime comes) my life changes a little bit.

Fun fact about Trinidad James, he started rapping one year ago. ONE YEAR. He is a legend.

Things I Am Thankful For (in no particular order)

  • Tupperware full of Bates food in my fridge. 
  • Spotify (the greatest invention of all mankind) 
  • My dad, and how he wrote me a letter that was one of the realest pieces of literature I have ever read. 
  • My mom, and how she is kicking ass at her computer science class. 
  • My sister, who is thriving in college and doing amazing entrepreneurial things always.
  • CAJAGMO (Connor and Julia Are Gonna Make Out)! The play Julia and I wrote and performed. 
  • Ned, who helped me roll in the big, greasy Pub signs into my room. 
  • The Campbell Sports Center swimming pool. 
  • My wireless mouse. 
  • Biology class. 
  • My memory research seminar class. 
  • Acting class. 
  • Unlimited texting. 
  • The SLC library. 
  • Bagels And More! Sunday breakfast and I love it. 
  • The vending machine on campus that gives you two of everything. 
  • Murda Bizness - by Iggy Azalea (link here)
  • The refurbished speakers I found on Amazon. 
  • Swing dancing on Sundays.
  • Inspirational writing quotes online.
  • Google Reader. 
  • Derrick Brown (
  • My summer job, working as an RA at Sarah Lawrence. 
  • Visiting Erin at Syracuse. 
  • Seeing Big Sean at Syracuse! 
  • Friends loaning me $7 so I can see The Testament of Mary this Friday. (WHAT) 
  • MACE (even though I barely see them any more, when I do they hug me) 
  • The gift aid I currently have that allows me to go to college here at SLC. 
  • Q-tips. 
  • Dove soap. 
  • Cheddar cheese. 
  • The internet. 
  • Wikipedia. 
  • Online banking. 
  • Direct deposit. 
  • Clean towels. 
  • Clean socks. 
  • Lars Von Trier (
  • Hot, intelligent teachers. 
  • Juggling in the sun. Being able to pass clubs with people who know how to juggle. People who want to learn how to juggle. 
  • Power strips. 
  • Hand lotion. 
  • Pesto. 
  • Pinole, California. 
  • Pinole Valley High School. 
  • Buffalo Floor Hockey (the theater troupe, not the sport)
  • Oakland, California
  • Berkeley, California
  • The entire East Bay
  • Pinole Community Theater 
  • Basically, everything that happened in high school. 
  • And elementary school. 
  • My life. 
  • Public transportation. 
  • Sushi. 
  • Rice. 
  • Composition notebooks. 
  • My general health. 
  • My SLC tour guiding job. 
  • My SLC office assistant job. 
  • My single dorm room (no roommates). 
  • My former roommates who still hook me up with excellent things, like jobs and dance moves.
  • Tourettes Without Regrets (

Friday, January 18, 2013



Me losing my mind due to lack of stimulation. 
  1. Sarah Lawrence follows Sarah Lawrence students. I heard this directly from Archives. They follow the blogs of Sarah Lawrence students for archival purposes. This is kind of great because when I walked down there to apply for a job (ORGANIZATIONAL JOBS ARE MY FAVORITE) they said "Hey, by the way, we follow your blog!" My mind was blown, and it kind of made me feel guilty since I haven't blogged in a while. So I'm back! 
  2. Sometimes I cannot believe my life. There is no explanation needed here. It is just a true fact. 
  3. I read a great book. "Flow" by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (I cannot pronounce his last name at all, which makes his book really hard to recommend. I tell people "Mihaly C." which is definitely enough to find him, but just to respect the guy I went on Wikipedia to see how to pronounce his name. THUS: mee-hy cheek-sent-mə-hy-ee. Do what you will with this information). Great book.
  4. I love scheduling and making calendars. If you want me to make you a calendar on Outlook to organize when your classes are and when you want to study for those classes, I will hook you up for $5. 
  5. I love cleaning. One of my friends ( was in a conference with her professor. Professor: "My office is a mess." Mommysack11: "Connor will clean it! He loves cleaning!" BAM. Cleaned his office. Got paid. I will gladly do it again. Hit me up if you need a room cleaned. 
  6. Told one of my friends that I couldn't believe my life. He replied "YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT BECAUSE IT IS YOUR LIFE." 
  7. I have so many plans for this semester. I don't know if I will be able to do all of them. But if they happen, I will post them here on this blog. SPEAKING OF WHICH, 
  8. Considering Tumblr. Considering it. 
  9. Spotify is the greatest invention of all time. With that said, check out my College Playlist (which is constantly being added to and revised). 
  10. Numbered bullet points on Blogger is difficult to work with sometimes. However, I imagine that with time I will learn how to work with HTML more and not have this problem in the future. 
  11. I have been on a YouTube video binge-watching spree. Nardwuar and LAHWF are worth everyone's time. I've taken to showing my father some of the YouTube videos I've been watching. His response: "Why do I even try to make the world a better place?" 
All in all, I am up late and my mom made cookies, I ate three, and I went to Peet's to get a decaf coffee and I think they gave me caffeinated. So I'll be up all night until it's time to print my boarding pass and then I am going to