Monday, January 30, 2012

Good Morning

I am officially 19 years old, which is pretty darn great.

"I can now officially make fireworks." I told someone.

I have been lying a lot to people lately. I was playing pool yesterday in the Black Squirrel and between turns I started dancing.

"Whoa man, you look like a pole dancer."
"I did pole dancing as part of my gym credit in high school."
"No way, really?"
"Yeah, we had a district wide competition and I came in fourth place. There were like twelve competitors and I was one of two guys that participated."
"Wow. That's impressive."

I let it sink in, and then I leaned in to tell him that it wasn't true.

In high school I actually convinced people that there had been an Earthquake in Florida and as a result they had to shut down Disney World.

"Because Florida isn't used to earthquakes, and they have to make sure all of the rides are still working correctly."

This rumor spread throughout the school, and no one bothered to look it up until 2:00 in the afternoon.

"I can't find it in the news." said one of my friends, scrolling through her phone.

At these times, I think I would be a great fiction writer.

But right now I am in a philosophy class called "Language, Thought & Reality" and it is the craziest thing ever. Right now I am learning that when I say "I am Connor" I am actually saying "He who is speaking right now responds to the name 'Connor'" but then this isn't even true because there might be a whole bunch of people speaking right now and there is no way to truly identify myself with words.


The point is that I am not in a fiction class and I need to find a creative outlet for all of this fiction I seem to be spouting. So I am writing a book. It's snippets, but it's a book, where I write about 500 words a day in a composition notebook.

And that's the truth.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

My Roommate Made Me Hot Chocolate

Connecticut's chocolate powder made my hot chocolate possible. 
Ohio made me hot chocolate, which I am eternally grateful for. I currently have a block of cheddar cheese in the fridge, and if Ohio wants to have a slice, he most definitely can have it.

Today I did some work for a woman in Yonkers. I found her through the Sarah Lawrence job network, and she agreed to pick me up and drive her to her house to do some research/filing. She drove me to her house and    ran into her retaining wall as she pulled up into her driveway. "Oops. That's not good." she muttered. We sat down for two hours and she read to me what she wanted me to type. I am not the best typist, but I think I performed admirably today for a man who uses a total of three fingers to type.

I made a grand total of $16, which I spent half of on cheese and crackers. I know have eight dollars to get me through the week.

ALSO, it is snowing! Here is a MySpace picture of me in the snow:

I love the snow! We  will see how long this lasts. My employer tells me that snow "is a drag."

Tomorrow, my first real week of school begins. I am waking up extra early to sign up for Hip Hop dance classes.

Friday, January 20, 2012


I was bumped from the class that I really wanted to take: "Sparks in the Void." It's a fiction writing class, but I tell people it's a Women's Studies course, just to see how they react. Being "bumped" means that the class is full and you have to try and find another class. So today I walked around campus and interviewed some other teachers and HOPEFULLY I will not get bumped again. I signed up for two more writing classes and a philosophy course.

"A philosophy course? Domini domini domini." said my roommate Ohio, crossing himself. "Good luck with that. I took a philosophy course last semester and I had to drop it."

"Well, I am a stronger man than you are." I told him. He seemed flustered when I said this. After he reads this blog he will try and convince me otherwise.

A few of my favorite things
I've been living on carrots, crackers, and hummus. No, I am not starving, but when I am hungry between meals I pull out the triple threat and snack. I am DEFINITELY getting more of this when I go shopping again. 

However, because of the initial expenses of college (textbooks, groceries, dandruff shampoo), I am currently low on funds, so I am going to have to get creative these next few weeks with food and comfort. Fortunately, I have two jobs (on Mondays, I'm an office assistant, and on random days, I am a research assistant), which means I will have TUBS of hummus to feast upon. 

And, hopefully, new pants. 

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Alan Rickman

"Connor, I have two criticisms about your last blog post. First, you can totally pay for college. You just need to get jobs, like me. Second of all, I am part of most of your little adventures, yet I am not mentioned in the the blog ONCE. But don't call me Princeton, that's lame, my nickname should be something cool, like 'Big Red'."

Big Red
Big Red invited me to a party last night, but she said I could only go if I applied for five jobs. I did, went to the party, came back, and saw that I had an e-mail saying that I was hired. I am now a research assistant for a woman who is currently writing her dissertation. Eight dollars an hour! SWAG.

Today Big Red, Seattle and I went into the city to get student rush tickets to see "Seminar" on Broadway, starring Alan Rickman ( Tickets normally range from $51 to $199, but we got them for $30. Gotta love being a student.

We ate dinner at Shake Shack in Times Square, and then made our way to the play. It was funny and intelligent, and we really loved it. Afterwards, we waited by the stage door and got autographs and photos of the stars.

Me and Jerry O'Connell.
Big Red and Alan Rickman. 
One woman asked Alan, "Can I take a photo with you?"

"You can take a photo of me." He replied.

A successful night. Classes start tomorrow, but I am glad I started of the semester with a different kind of seminar.
My autographed playbill.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


Ohio approves of this awkward picture.
Successfully moved back into Sarah Lawrence College. I broke the news to my friends and roommates that I can't afford to go here next year, and their responses were simple: 
Get loans. It's worth it. 
I am considering it. I am getting a fantastic education, and if it means I will get a great job writing for the New Yorker, hell yes. Loan away. But of course, another alternative would be to apply for scholarships. However, this is a very foreign concept to me and I am very frustrated when I try to apply. I will get over this. Especially if I plan to continue school here. 

My room, however, looks like a million dollars. I cleaned and now I have desk space and floor space, and I know where everything is. I feel at peace, productive, and ready to tackle a new semester. However, I once read an article that said that the neatness of a students room is a result of how stressed he/she is. So naturally, the room starts out clean, but will possibly deteriorate over time. 

Also, I have been doing some soul searching as far as the blog goes. 

Reasons Not To Blog: 
  • It's boring. I've been writing about my life for almost three years now. Maybe more. Yes,definitely more. And it's getting old. I think this has something to do with growing from adolescence into adulthood. Adolescents, by definition, are obsessed with themselves. I was. I am. But it's getting old. I need something new to do,which is why I am signing up for fiction classes this semester. One particular class "Sparks in the Void", is looking VERY exciting, because it is a class on "writing fiction out of nothing". WHAT. 
  • Privacy. Privacy is not a huge issue with me. I will tell anyone pretty much anything. But I am slightly uncomfortable with the fact that my parents know exactly what I am up to every day. I moved to the East Coast so I could sort of break ties with them and have them stop worrying about me so much. I returned over break and none of that had changed. So, not blogging would help them wean off of me, which is sort of weird if you think about it. Ironic? Maybe. 
  • Limits creativity. Blogging is giving the people what they want. Of course, I love giving the people what they want. I will openly degrade myself if it makes people laugh. But as far as writing goes, I want to have fun and explore my "darker side", none of which would be very fun to read. Ha. Or maybe it would.
  • Blogs are terrible for easy archiving. Sure, you have the side panel where you can read any post from any day, but flipping through a journal is so much easier and much more fun. I flipped through one of my old journals over break and got SO MANY IDEAS. You cannot "flip through" a blog.
  • Takes time away from other things. Like school. And other writing projects. 
Reasons To Blog:
  • Publishers. Publishers consider blogging to be published works, and if you want to get hired as a writer, having an active blog is great for your resume. Considering this what I want to do for a living, keeping my blog up to date would be wise. 
  • Views. I like getting views. The more people who pay attention to me, the happier I am.
  • Friends and Networking. I am toying with the idea of getting business cards so if I meet someone cooler than me, I can give them my card and say "check out my blog!". This way, they can decide whether they want to be friends with me or not, and then we can hang out and be awesome. 
  • Satisfy the writing urge. I write regularly (I want to say every day, but over the break I was very distracted with a beautiful woman), and a side effect of writing regularly is that when you don't write, you toss and turn and you can't sleep and you get nauseous and anxious. For peace of mind, I need to put words on a page. This is great, because a highly successful novelist once said "Write so that when you don't, it feels wrong." Success! To the max. 
The Solution:   

I will continue blogging. It will be regular and continuous. When you sign up for a tumblr account, they show you example blogs, and on the example blogs they have quotes, one of which is "It does not matter how slow you go as long as you don't stop." - Confucius. And he is right. So I will keep the blog active for my readers and potential publishers. 

However, content will be different. Sure, I will share stories when crazy shit happens to me, but I will also share whatever I think is interesting. Pablo Picasso would be really upset with me right now ("NEVER EXPLAIN YOU ART!" he once yelled at me) but putting this in writing sort of gives me the "go ahead" to do what I want. 

So, let a new semester begin! 

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

UCLA Day 3: A Lesson In Word Economy

This morning I woke up to my current roommate's alarm clock, which is this song:

It repeated over and over again for fifteen minutes, and it was still playing when I left the room to go get breakfast.

After breakfast, I went to Chase and tried to cash a check, but the friction in my wallet rubbed off the numbers, so I didn't get any money. I told my mom about this unfortunate circumstance, and she didn't believe that I had actually lost the check, so she told me to take a picture of the check and send it to her. Unfortunately, I had ripped up the check in anger, but I found a shred of it inside my pocket, and this was the resulting picture I sent my mom.

I used Microsoft Paint to "erase" information that might help sickos recreate this  piece of my Grandmother's check.
Afterwards, I juggled in front of the performing arts building for an hour, and entertained a tour that happened to be passing through the campus. 

Then, went into Los Angeles to see The Moth ( The venue was for 21-year-olds, but thanks to my girlfriend, who is as persuasive as she is attractive, we got in anyway, with big X's on our hands  to let bartenders know that we couldn't drink. 

We ended up judging the Story Slam. The theme was "Underground" so after a brief brainstorm we settled on calling our judging team "Harriet Tubman." It was the most creative out of the three team names. 

Afterwards, did some studying (ha) and now I am massaging my legs which are a sore from all the walking I did today. Ran into a friend from Pinole and a friend from New Haven. Small world. 

Can I kick it? Yes I can. 

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

UCLA: Day 2

Quebec gave me a blanket and a pillow. I slept on the floor in front of the fridge. Here's a picture:

This is where I sleep.
Today I followed Gwenna around campus. She gave me the grand tour, and I now know where everything is, more or less. I observed her ballet class, which I highly recommended to Quebec and his roommates. I ate at the major dining halls, and I went into town with Gwenna to get ice cream at Diddy Reese. 

"This is where one of my friends saw Tyler The Creator." she told me. This blew my mind. 

After ice cream, I met her a capella group, and then returned for some roommate bonding in Quebec's room. We are trying to make plans to party some time this week, but apparently it's very difficult if you aren't in a fraternity. 

"The golf team might be having a party this week... I'll have to check. But we don't really have that many options." 

Gwenna says that if you are a guy and want to get into a party, you have to travel in a "girl bubble", which means you surround yourself with women, who then enter a frat house with you in the center, so you can get past the guy guarding the door. Once you are in, you are solid. 

I don't have too many friends here at UCLA yet, so this isn't really an option, and we're not entirely confident with the gold team, so we'll figure something out. 

We spent the evening reading Tucker Max stories and sharing "bro-time." 

I have to wake up early tomorrow, so I am hitting the hay, but there are epic plans in the city which I am looking forward to. Stay tuned. 

Sunday, January 8, 2012

UCLA: Day 1

So right now I am at UCLA and it's pretty cool. I am living with one of my friends, "Quebec", who I went to high school with (he is not from Quebec). Today a lot of UCLA students were moving back into their dorms, so I helped Quebec's roommate move his stuff from his car to the room. A kid from down the hall stopped by the room.

"Did you guys unplug your fridges for the break?"

"Um, no, we accidentally left ours plugged in. Why?"

"I unplugged mine but we closed the door and now it's all gross inside. There's mold! It looks like someone jizzed in my fridge! Does anyone know how to clean up fridges?" The kid pointed to the one Mexican guy in the room, "You know how to clean things, right?" 

None of us wanted to help him, so he left and came back two hours later to tell us that he had cleaned the fridge himself. 

I went to the dining hall for dinner, which is much bigger than Sarah Lawrence's dining hall (duh) and filled with more people (duh) and I ended up bumping into a lot of muscular Asian people at the salad bar. But I had cioppino and bread pudding, so it was totally worth it. 

Quebec and his roommate are talking about their breaks.

Roommate: "How was your break?"
Quebec: "Pretty good. Hung out with my cousins."
R:"Oh yeah! One of 'em is pretty hot."
Q: "What? Where did you see this?"
R: "Facebook, man. Hey, can I bang her?" 
Q: "What?! No?!"
R: "Why not? She's your cousin, right? You don't have feelings for her do you?" 
Q: "No, man. No -"
R: "Nevermind. So, let me tell you about my break. So, I went to Tijuana, right? And the first night I went there, I was a virgin."
Q: "What?!" 
R: "A virgin to clubbing!"
Q: "Oh, I thought -"
R: "Well anyway, I had two shots and like ten beers and I sort of lost consciousness and when I came back I was on the dance floor with this chubby girl." 
Q: "Oh, wow."
R: "Why are you so afraid to go, man? To Tijuana? You can't even drink here! And clubs are super expensive here. It's easy down there. Clubs are thirteen bucks, there are some decent looking chicks... it might be good for you, man." 

There is more conversation like this going on, and I am loving every moment of it. I have a week here to make friends and learn what "real college" (as Gwenna calls it) is like. "Not saying that Sarah Lawrence isn't real college, but this is what most of America goes through to get their degree." 

So it begins. For now, my mission is to find shampoo, soap, toothpaste, and all the other toiletries I always seem to forget when I go traveling. Hasta luego!

The room in which I am living.

Back To Blogging

I have gotten a lot of flack for not blogging regularly, so I made it part of my New Year's Resolution to get back in the habit of doing this every single day.

Today's adventures: I am currently in a motel a couple blocks down from Disneyland. I just spend the day with my girlfriend and her family doing everything there is to be done in the theme park. I am slightly damp from two back-to-back rotations on Splash Mountain, but for the most part happy and tired and ready to go to sleep.

Thursday's adventures: I competed in a rap battle in Oakland at Tourettes Without Regrets, a poetry slam/comedy show/burlesque performance/rap battle. Under my rapper name, MC Reverse, I freestyled against this guy from Brooklyn. Here's the video:

I made it to the second round but against this kid my own age who was cooler than me, so it was harder to think up insults on the fly. But Tourettes was great, and the host liked my freestyle so much that he put me on the guest list for the next six months.

Here's a picture my friends and I took after the show:
Some of my favorite people in the world who came to support me at the rap battle. 
So all in all, life has been eventful. I will try to keep my readers a little bit more up to date as of today.